About

hi. i’m a collection of carbon atoms that answers to the name of meghan. i’ve manifested here as an object that represents everything intangible encased in my collection of carbon atoms - ideas, feelings, personality, etc. i am the result of history happening precisely, neither perfectly nor imperfectly, in an environment that was able to create and sustain my life. if you are reading this, it is because through a series of events, we have met or otherwise become acquainted in a way that brought you here (see causal determinism). this may be a fortune or a misfortune for you to determine, but i am here, you are here, and we are so lucky to be here thanks to a history of exact happenings. i am lucky to be who i have become, and i am lucky to have the potential to be so much more. i can tell you that, just like you, my time is limited. we are mortal humans with the ability to think and talk and experience the good and bad. of course, none of this matters when our time finally does run out. i make mistakes, i love, i laugh, i cry, i sleep, and i admit that i’m just as scared and pissed that my life has only relative meaning, and in the end, we play an insignificant role in a larger cycle. although i recognize that nothing matters any more, i can’t help but get attached and care about what i can do while i have the chance. i’ve lost friends, i’m nostalgic of the past, and i want to change almost everything in my life. i want my friends back, i want better relationships with the friends i do have, and i want everyone to understand what i understand. i want to use the agency i do have to make my time the best that i can, but without others realizing what i realize, they will not forgive or move on or recognize that i have needs that may be a little different from what they’re used to. there are people who i will never meet and people that i will never see again. and there are the people for whom i care about too much to let them get away. this is my life, my only life, and i refuse to let things happen to keep me from getting the most out of my time.